Knowing The Future...

Ever since I was little,I've always wanted to know the future. I remember laying in bed at the end of each day, and my parents would come in to say good night, but before they left I'd always ask one question.

"Mommy, What are we doing tomorrow?"

To which she would sometimes sigh, give her answer, and I would fall asleep satisfied that tomorrow was already planned out and waiting. And if she didn't know what we were doing tomorrow? Well that just never sat right with me...Everything has always had to be a concrete stone hard plan for me...for as long as I can remember. (I still sometimes ask that question at the end of the day :P)

I know I haven't written anything here for uhhh...like four months...life has been...very interesting. And that is why I am writing this post now...now that the dust in my head...and my life has seemed to settle...

Since my last post I have been trying to figure out what to do for my summer (I always plan out my summers, since I like to have things be concrete) ...Last year I was a counselor at Young Disciple...but this year...God just wasn't leading me in that direction...I believed he was leading me to do Youth Rush...And since Oregon was just starting their program this summer...it seemed like the perfect plan...God was opening the doors and I wanted to go. And then...A house came on the market...

For those of you who don't know my family's story...I'll make it short...we sold our house in the city when I was 10 on the thought that we would find a country house very soon after...well that "soon after" as turned into about 6 and a half years...not that I regret any of it...I don't...God has been leading us all the way...changing us to be more like Him...it's been a blessed journey...even though it does get tiring at times...

Anyways, It was around the time that I had just gotten accepted to Youth Rush that this house came on the market...it was pretty near perfect we thought...and we preceded to make an offer and so on...in this whole process I got to thinking that...if we buy this place...am I really going to want to go away when they are going to need me at home to help plant a garden, move in, fix up the house, take care of the goats, ect? Is that what God would want? I just didn't feel right about it...at all...and this bothered me cause I want things to be planned out!!!

So while this was all turning over and over in my head...should I go...should I not...we made the decision...after much prayer...not to buy the house...there were numerous things about the house and property that helped us make that decision...and while we knew it was a right decision...it saddened all of us....

Life slowly returned back to normal...but not in my head...now that this house was out of the way so to speak...should I still go to Youth Rush? See this whole house thing got me thinking that if I were to leave for three months...and they found a house for us during that time...I wouldn't be able to see it...or help them during the summer once we moved in...the whole idea just didn't sit right with me...still doesn't...so...after lots of prayer...and talking to my parents...I decided not to go to Youth Rush...

Now, you can probably imagine that though I knew that was the right decision for this summer...I was very upset for now all my plans...all my wonderful concrete summer plans...had turned into mush...now I had nothing...as far as I knew I was just going to stay home and work in my gma's back yard and work with my goats and that would be my summer...even though I would much rather be doing mission work...it depressed me...still did until a few days ago...until this morning really...

The more I thought about it...the more I realized maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson through all of this...maybe he wanted me to realize that I don't need to have everything planned out...because He does...and it's in His hands....not mine...so I just need to relax and chill out and listen to His voice...because He knows best...So whether he wants me to go on a sudden mission trip He is going to throw at me...or maybe He wants me to volunteer at the hospital...or maybe he just wants me to stay home...I don't know...but I don't NEED to know...I just need to trust...and know that HE knows...and I don't need to...

No more asking what next....

No more needing to know about the future....

No more...I trust you Lord...you know...you know best...

~Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Matthew 6:34~