I Never Knew...

I never knew animals could teach you so much...

Sure I've heard stories of peoples lives being changed by a dog or a horse...but never experienced it myself so...therefore...I didn't really know if it was true that a animal could teach you so much...I mean after all they can't talk or communicate with us at all right? 

Wrong.....Oh, how very wrong I was.... 

Sure our first two goats Nibbles, and my brother's goat Kitty, changed our lives. They are two more bodies added to our families. They are eight hooves to clip every four weeks, hair to brush (even though it seems to do no good, they always seem to get dirty again right after), and all the other little things that comes with taking care of animals. They are friends that make us laugh and, one just cant refuse those furry goat lips rubbing across your face. lol So, yes they changed our lives for the better for sure, but as far as teaching us anything? Not....really....not like Chance has taught me.... 

I will tell you his story....well more like both of ours....cause I am not the same person I was before I had him.... 

Chance and his sister were born in late last February I believe...I don't have his exact birth date but it was sometime between there and the first few weeks of March....

He was one of the tiniest babies I saw last year born on our friends farm. They were both very cute and I took turns holding both of them as much as I could, even though they weren't my goats...

Three months rolled by and it was time for the babies to be weaned and such...Even though Chance was a buck at the time...our friends didn't want him to be a buck...for many reasons...he just wasn't what they were looking for in a buck...sooo thus the awful process of making him not a buck began...along with burning his horns off so he could be sold to a 4H program...

You have no idea how horrifying dehorning is (or if you have goats you might.) ...they scream and cry so loudly it just breaks your heart...I remember very well taking him into my arms....sitting in the dirty hay against the fence and cradling him trying to sooth his whimpers...he laid so still...his eyes closed...yet baaing in the most heart wrenching noises....I couldn't hold it back any longer and I started to cry......I don't really know why but I did...there was something about that little goat....

Perhaps it was the thought of how he had to go through all of this just to have to be sold to some kid that is going to show him and then just throw him away to be slaughtered for someones table hurt...really hurt...made me really angry...

Pretty much as soon as I got home that day we got a phone call from our friends...They wanted to give him to me for free! Oh I cannot express how happy and dumbfounded I was...this is really where my teaching began... 

After being dehorned it was like Chance's whole character changed. Instead of being the wonderful little "lap goat" that he had been...he was now scared of everything and everybody but maybe his own shadow...maybe... 

He wouldn't even let me near him...I had to run around the barn till I was dead tired to catch him...I had to put a collar and a lead rope on him just to get close to him....He would shake under my hand...and baa like he was being hurt the whole time...It was then that I realized this was going to take a lot of work...lol 

From then on...for a few months...I had to go in the barn...catch him...put on a collar and lead rope and walk around with him on it the whole time we were at the barn...on top of that I had to lay him flat on his back many times to show him that he could trust me...much to his disliking....if that isn't a good parallel to how God teaches us to trust him I don't know what is... ;) 

There were many times that things seemed to be going backwards instead of forwards...and many times that my parents thought it was hopeless to work with a goat that clearly didn't want anything to do with me...they even suggested I turn him in for a different goat...but I said no of course...even though there were times I felt like giving up and saying yes... 

And then one beautiful day...something must have clicked....he finally started coming to me instead of me coming to him....and from then on it just got better....in fact now he pretty much follows me around like a little puppy follows his mom...lol 

But you know what...through all that I think I learned to trust and have patience more than Chance did...There is no rushing a perfect relationship with an animal...I learned that pretty quick...Just like there is no rushing a perfect relationship with God...We grow in Christ more each day...it never stops... I learned not to give up too...even when it seems hopeless...

So yes...animals can teach you something....and I know God put my One Last Chance in my life...I know it was Him...no doubt about it...that goat has taught me so much...so much about even unconditional love...the list just goes on and on....I don't know what I would do without that goat....it might sound silly but I'm seriously almost brought to tears over his story...our story...

                                                                Thank you, Jesus.... 

Thank you, my precious boy...

"Yet, Because of His Persistence..."

Persistence...an interesting word...could really have several meanings...
never really thought about it much...

Until now...

I remember listening to a sermon not long ago...don't remember where it was...or who preached it...but it was on the parable from Luke 11:5-8...If you don't remember or haven't read it...I suggest you do before you read the rest of this post...you might also want to read verses 9-13 too...honestly, the whole chapter is amazing but I'm just gonna focus on 5-8 here...

As I was listening to the sermon...I enjoyed it...learned from it...but like many things it just wasn't entirely meaningful at that time...it didn't fully sink in and have an impact...

Until now...

This summer has been very difficult for me...very difficult...I don't know what an expansion would be on the word difficult but if you can think of any...this summer would be it.

Emotionally...Spiritually...just...everything seemed to hit me at once...

With most of my friends gone at Youth Rush or YD Camp I haven't had many shoulders to lean on outside of my parents...which has been good actually...I've drawn closer to them...and yeah remember when I said in my last post I wasn't completely sure why God had me stay home this summer...yeah well...I know why now!! lol I had a lot of things I needed to learn and work through...one of them being major dependence on Him....

Anyways back to the persistence bit...

Many of you know that we've been looking for a house in the country now for a very long time...and this summer we truly thought we were going to find one...we still might...Lord willing...but, yeah, well it hasn't happened yet...and for a good majority of this summer it was a heavy, depressing weight on my shoulders...Until we read in worship one night the parable of Luke 11:5-8 and that brought back the memory of the sermon so clearly it shocked me...definitely was a God thing...I then understood why I was so depressed...I had lost most of my faith if not all of it...and I was being very negative...I think my family could testify to that...

Now to translate this parable before I go any further...I believe the preacher who preached this sermon perceived the friend that came to the door and was being persistent as us...and the one that opened it Jesus...Which makes total sense if you think about it...if you don't understand yet just hang in there...

I think there are two kinds of persistent...

There is the controlling overwhelming almost annoying persistent....

And then there is the faith filled hopeful pleading persistent...and I believe this is the one that Jesus was talking about...

It dawned on me after I had thought all this over that...I was not being persistent enough...not NEAR enough...not even close...

I didn't have faith...I wasn't hopeful...and I wasn't pleading...see I got to praying for a house so much over the years that it just became routine it didn't really have a meaning anymore it was just an add on...it had become a formality...there was really no heart in it anymore...no pleading...no persistence...

In fact it wasn't even really a prayer...the prayer itself became a formality...something I knew I should do...but my heart wasn't in it anymore...I'd given up...lost faith...and hope...of finding a house anytime soon...

I was such a stark contrast to this friend in the parable that was being persistent...I mean honestly...he went to this guy at midnight...when everyone one was asleep...and asked him for bread for his guest...can you imagine a friend of yours coming to your door at midnight saying "Hey, yeah so Joe showed up at my door and I feel like I should feed him, so can you give me some bread?" You'd be like...Uhhhh...What?!...

Yet, because of his persistence...he rose and gave him as many as he needed...

Powerful right? This guy was so persistent...pleaded so hard...so earnestly with all his heart for just a few loaves of bread for his guest...at midnight no less...that his friend had to give him bread...He had to because of his persistence....

In the same way...if we plead to our Father...with all our heart's...in unconditional faith...with hope...undoubtedly...He will give us what we need...It might not come the first time we ask...or the second...or the third...but if we are persistent...and keep our faith...He will answer...

Be persistent...don't give up...don't lose hope...have faith...

Keep asking...seeking....and knocking....and the door will be opened unto you...He promises...And our Father...doesn't break promises...

~For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.~
Luke 11:10

Knowing The Future...

Ever since I was little,I've always wanted to know the future. I remember laying in bed at the end of each day, and my parents would come in to say good night, but before they left I'd always ask one question.

"Mommy, What are we doing tomorrow?"

To which she would sometimes sigh, give her answer, and I would fall asleep satisfied that tomorrow was already planned out and waiting. And if she didn't know what we were doing tomorrow? Well that just never sat right with me...Everything has always had to be a concrete stone hard plan for me...for as long as I can remember. (I still sometimes ask that question at the end of the day :P)

I know I haven't written anything here for uhhh...like four months...life has been...very interesting. And that is why I am writing this post now...now that the dust in my head...and my life has seemed to settle...

Since my last post I have been trying to figure out what to do for my summer (I always plan out my summers, since I like to have things be concrete) ...Last year I was a counselor at Young Disciple...but this year...God just wasn't leading me in that direction...I believed he was leading me to do Youth Rush...And since Oregon was just starting their program this summer...it seemed like the perfect plan...God was opening the doors and I wanted to go. And then...A house came on the market...

For those of you who don't know my family's story...I'll make it short...we sold our house in the city when I was 10 on the thought that we would find a country house very soon after...well that "soon after" as turned into about 6 and a half years...not that I regret any of it...I don't...God has been leading us all the way...changing us to be more like Him...it's been a blessed journey...even though it does get tiring at times...

Anyways, It was around the time that I had just gotten accepted to Youth Rush that this house came on the market...it was pretty near perfect we thought...and we preceded to make an offer and so on...in this whole process I got to thinking that...if we buy this place...am I really going to want to go away when they are going to need me at home to help plant a garden, move in, fix up the house, take care of the goats, ect? Is that what God would want? I just didn't feel right about it...at all...and this bothered me cause I want things to be planned out!!!

So while this was all turning over and over in my head...should I go...should I not...we made the decision...after much prayer...not to buy the house...there were numerous things about the house and property that helped us make that decision...and while we knew it was a right decision...it saddened all of us....

Life slowly returned back to normal...but not in my head...now that this house was out of the way so to speak...should I still go to Youth Rush? See this whole house thing got me thinking that if I were to leave for three months...and they found a house for us during that time...I wouldn't be able to see it...or help them during the summer once we moved in...the whole idea just didn't sit right with me...still doesn't...so...after lots of prayer...and talking to my parents...I decided not to go to Youth Rush...

Now, you can probably imagine that though I knew that was the right decision for this summer...I was very upset for now all my plans...all my wonderful concrete summer plans...had turned into mush...now I had nothing...as far as I knew I was just going to stay home and work in my gma's back yard and work with my goats and that would be my summer...even though I would much rather be doing mission work...it depressed me...still did until a few days ago...until this morning really...

The more I thought about it...the more I realized maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson through all of this...maybe he wanted me to realize that I don't need to have everything planned out...because He does...and it's in His hands....not mine...so I just need to relax and chill out and listen to His voice...because He knows best...So whether he wants me to go on a sudden mission trip He is going to throw at me...or maybe He wants me to volunteer at the hospital...or maybe he just wants me to stay home...I don't know...but I don't NEED to know...I just need to trust...and know that HE knows...and I don't need to...

No more asking what next....

No more needing to know about the future....

No more...I trust you Lord...you know...you know best...

~Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Matthew 6:34~

Haunted By The Faces

A crisp breeze is followed by a light yellow sunrise...... 

A Hyena barks....

Smiles....laughing.....

A herd of spotted goats follows after it's shepherd..... 

Two tawny dogs play a game of chase and tackle....

Blankets and beads of red, green, blue and yellow swirly designs..... 

And the faces....oh...the faces......

Tears fill my eyes..... 

Not tears of mourning but tears of longing....Tears of remembering those faces....

Since I was 12 the idea of being a missionary has totally enthralled me with excitement. I suppose it started when I went to YD camp and took the Missionary Adventures class. I don't exactly remember who was teaching it that year...but whoever did was teaching about Africa...or taught about Africa one day anyways. After that class I came home and I remember pleading with my parents to go to Africa on a mission trip. I'll admit I think I got pushed aside a few times as well as getting the "why??" question with an odd look accompanying it, but the stirring in my heart wouldn't let up. 

Then a year later, my dad and I were filling out applications for a medical mission trip to Kenya, East Africa! Honestly I don't remember exactly how it all came to be, but I do remember filling out the applications and being in utter awe and amazement that my dream was coming true. The day of our departure has all become a blur to me. We went from Portland to somewhere in Minnesota (I think) and then to The Netherlands. The layover in Holland, as I prefer to call it, was quite a few hours. I entertained myself by wondering around the airport looking at all the people. You see, I find people very interesting to watch. I often wonder where they are going and what they are going through. 

After the layover we boarded the massive and quite luxurious 747 of the Dutch Royal Airlines which would take us to Kenya. When we arrived in Kenya and came out of the plane, the humidity immediately smacked me in the face. It was some unearthly hour of the night and yet it was still sooo humid and warm. We left the airport for the East-Central Africa Division Headquarters which we would stay at for a few nights of our trip. 

I will not go into ever single detail of our trip because if I did, we'd be here for many hours. Even though that trip was 3 years ago I can still remember every single day almost as if it had happened yesterday. Especially the days we spent in the Maasai Mara and the Great Rift Valley among the tribal people,visiting the orphanages, schools, and hospitals. But it's not so much the events of those days. It wasn't so much working in the wound care department and cleaning machete wounds of a young warrior, and it wasn't bagging deworming tablets for children, its not the events, but the people. I can still remember all their faces so clearly in my memory. 

Faces that had so little, yet they still laughed, smiles, and played. I think about them so often, I wonder if they are doing well, if they are still going to school, or are they even still alive... 

The people there are so loving and so giving it makes you really wonder how people that have so little could be this happy. I have a passion for these people, a passion that I think will never go away. I believe that God wants me in Africa to be a light for Him to His people. Ever since I've come back from this trip the longing to return keeps getting stronger each day to the point where I can't ignore it. I have often thought I am being so useless here, just laying around all day doing school waiting to be old enough to go to college and get my nursing degree so I can GO! I've especially felt that way in the last few days... 

And then I realize that God is preparing me, for if I went now, I truly know I wouldn't be ready to face the challenges that would come to me there. Still time is short, incredibly short, and I have a earnestness inside me to bring people to Jesus. Sometimes I worry that by the time I am ready to go it will be too late, but God knows best, and if I stay connected to Him and strive to follow His leading in my life I know I can't go wrong. And until then I can reach out to the people here in the states...

If only other people were willing to reach the unreached....! 

I sigh.....

He says "wait a little longer my child...." 

And I wait.....I'll wait until my God calls me to go.....but until then I'll pray and the passion inside me will not be stilled.....I will always be haunted by their faces..... 

"I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord...o'er mountain or plain or sea........I'll go where you want me to go....."