Trust

Trust. That's a small word with a big meaning isn't it. At least it is to me. What does that word mean to you? Have you really ever thought about it? The dictionary says it's " reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, ect., of a person or thing; confidence." but I think it has a deeper meaning. It goes deeper than that  meaning for me, to be able to trust someone is to be able to tell them your inner most thoughts and feelings and know that they won't judge you any less and will still love you for who you are. If you think about it, that's a huge thing to ask of a simple, sinful, human being. But we do. And not everyone takes it seriously, as I have found out.  About three years ago I entered into a couple friendships. I ended up trusting these people with everything, and loving them too (or back then what I thought was love) only to have them turn around a few months later and stab me in the back without me seeing it coming, leaving me standing there with my heart shattered on the ground. After that, I really didn't trust anyone. I didn't trust my parents, my friends, no one. I'd keep it all inside myself, not even telling God. In fact, I basically lost my trust in God completely, the one being whom we should trust the most, I rejected. I thought if God let that happen to me, and let me enter into those friendships just to become broken and shattered. How could I trust Him with my life? So for a while, I lived my life living by the principle "Trust no one." because I didn't want to be hurt anymore. I took my life into my own hands and built a wall around myself. But you know what? God didn't give up on me. He was working on my heart slowly and surely drawing me to Him again. Through my parents and new friends I was making, God was helping to mend my heart. And going to YD camp the year after all that happened was really good for me ( I actually almost didn't go...but praise the Lord I did!). At camp I re-committed my life to Christ and put my life back in His hands. After that, I was almost a new person. It still took me a while to fully trust people but I have learned to. And I am trusting God again now too. Yes, I still have my moments where I go into little panic attacks worrying about things. But I have learned I just need to step back, take a deep breath, and hand it all to God. The past still haunts me, and when I look back it hurts. But God has shown me something from that too. I'm in way, like a flower that is trying to grow under brown, dirty, fallen leaves and can't see the sunlight. But God comes along and sends the sunlight down harder and warmer until it lifts me out of the leaves and I bloom into a beautiful flower. God can work miracles out of the most horrible situations, He can bring you out of the dark past and into His Sonlight. You just have to trust that He will. And that experience has made me a stronger person too. Like the brown leaves around the flower help fertilize and make it stronger and help it grow, it was not in vain. So, my dear friends, if you find yourself in a similar situation run to Jesus. He's the only one that can mend your heart, you can not mend it yourself. Run to Jesus, Trust in Him, and He will make you new.